


You're Not Alone

by jungviv



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 13:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11209290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jungviv/pseuds/jungviv
Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime decides to come out to his best friend about his sexuality.





	You're Not Alone

Shaking with fear, full of self-doubt and uneasiness. Heart beating rapidly, palms and neck sweating as if he came back from a long run. Eyes shut, breathing heavily while clenching and unclenching his fists. That’s how Iwaizumi Hajime stood at his friend’s door.

Tired from boredom, full of annoyance and impatience. Laying on the couch, eyes slowly shutting down, heart beating at an even pace. One arm over his eyes, one fallen on the carpeted floor, phone in his hands in the darkened flat. That’s how Oikawa Tooru waited for his friend to arrive.

He couldn’t hear anything from his beating heart, not even his own thoughts. Why was he here, anyway? Why did he decide to come? Why did he want to tell him so badly? He didn’t know anything. Not anymore.

 _He’s late,_ he thought to himself. He was told that he would be here in ten minutes. Twenty minutes had passed since the phone call. _Is he okay? He didn’t sound okay at all._ On the phone, his friend sounded tired and broken. His voice was sore and husky, as if he had been crying. _Why would he cry? Did something happen while he was away?_ He didn’t know the answer, but he wanted to find it out. So he picked up his phone and went to his call history. He was about to tap on his friend’s name, when the doorbell suddenly rang, making his heart skip a beat.

With a shaking hand, he pressed the doorbell. Breathing became harder and harder every passing minute. He was scared. He didn’t know what to expect from his friend. _He will definitely laugh at me. He will ridicule me and then kick me out. Like he always does. So why am I here?_ He knew his friend way too well. He knew he couldn’t talk to him about something like that. He knew he was going to make fun of him. But maybe that’s what he needed. He wanted to feel hurt. He wanted to be hurt by his friend. He deserved it, being hurt.

He looked like a mess. His hair was dishevelled, his usually composed and calm face was now anxious and hunted. Dark circles were around his red, bloodshot eyes, his hands were trembling. It looked like he hadn’t changed clothes for a week now, either. The always self-confident, hard to approach, hard to break Iwaizumi Hajime now looked insecure, easy to approach and easy to break. _No,_ he was already broken.

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa breathed out his name in disbelief. It pained him seeing his best friend like this. He wanted to help, no matter how.

“Sorry for the intrusion,” he mumbled, walking past his worried friend.

“Did something happen?” Oikawa asked, closing the door behind him. “Are you okay? I mean… you don’t look like you’re okay, but are you okay?”

“I have to tell you something,” was his answer as he dropped himself on the couch. He was so worn-out, he wanted to end this conversation quickly and go home as soon as possible.

“Okay. I see this is gonna be a serious talk, so what can I give you? A beer, maybe?” Oikawa shouted from the kitchen, already opening the fridge.

“No, I don’t need anything, but thanks,” Iwaizumi replied, burying his face into his cold, shaking hands. _How am I going to start? Do I blurt it out? Will he be angry at me? Will he be disgusted? Yes, probably. No, he_ definitely _will be._

“Okay, so what do you want to tell me?” his best friend asked, sitting down next to him, a bottle of beer in his hands.

Iwaizumi let out a deep breath, and looked into Oikawa’s brown eyes. A wave of panic came over him once again, making his palms sweat and making his heart beat at an uneven pace. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words left his lips. He couldn’t speak. He was choking on his own words.

Oikawa could see his friend’s struggle, but didn’t know how to help him. It wasn’t some ankle sprain that he could have solved by wrapping the injured body part in a bandage. It wasn’t as if he were choking on food that he could have solved by giving him back blows or the Heimlich manoeuvre. As a sportsman, he knew exactly well what to do in case an emergency, he knew exactly well how to give first-aid. He knew everything, and his knowledge still managed to fail him. So he just sat there, giving his friend a reassuring smile, and waited.

Iwaizumi took the bottle from his friend, and had a good sip. He needed to calm his nerves down. He needed to get himself together and face the consequences of coming here. He didn’t have to come, it was not his friend who had invited him. He willingly sat in his car and drove here. Nobody was threatening him to come. He _wanted_ to come, he _chose_ to come. _So just spill it already!_

“Why… Why did you draw the curtains?” he asked instead. “It’s still daytime.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s pretty hot outside and my AC needs to be repaired. The curtains keep out the light, so it’s a little cooler inside,” Oikawa explained with a raised eyebrow. He didn’t ask anything, though.

“Right,” Iwaizumi nodded. “Makes sense.”

“But you don’t. What’s bothering you? It’s not like you to beat around the bush. You can tell me anything,” Oikawa tried to encourage his friend, only to make him scoff and drink another sip.

 _Yeah, right,_ Iwaizumi thought to himself bitterly. _Anything, you say, huh? Well, we’ll see about that._

Oikawa was thinking of the worst things. At first, he thought that Iwaizumi’s parents had passed away. Then he thought that maybe someone in his friend’s close family had a severe illness. Then it suddenly occurred to him that it also could have meant that Iwaizumi himself had a severe illness. After five minutes, Oikawa Tooru was convinced that his best friend was dying. From cancer. And not just any cancer, but lung cancer.

Iwaizumi let out a long, nervous breath. It was time. Now or never. He looked at his friend whose eyes were glassy and face completely pale as he was covering his mouth with both of his hands. Iwaizumi had to sigh, he just couldn’t take Oikawa’s dumbness sometimes. “You think I’m dying, right? From lung cancer,” he deadpanned, dragging his hands across his face. He heard Oikawa gasp in surprise.

“How did you know!” his mouth was on the floor. How could Iwa-chan guess what he was thinking about? Was he really a psychic? Amazing!

“You really are a trash…” Iwaizumi muttered, annoyed. He had an important thing to talk about and then he still had to deal with his idiotic of a friend. How annoying. “I am not dying, just so you know,” he reassured Oikawa, resulting his friend letting out a relieved sigh.

“Then what do you want to tell me? Nothing can be worse than dying, so I’m not worried,” Oikawa smiled brightly, but his friend’s expression changed from annoyed to guilty and depressed as he looked away.

It was really time. Telling Oikawa the ugly truth behind his whole being. Telling Oikawa how disgusting he really was in reality. However, as much as he wanted his friend to scold him, make fun of him, hurt him, he was afraid. He was afraid of Oikawa’s words, but he wanted to hear them. Every single judging comment, he wanted to hear them all. After all, he deserved them. So he inhaled and exhaled and then blurted it out, “I’m gay.” Then he started sobbing, ashamed of the words that had left his mouth, ashamed of himself.

Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat when he heard Iwaizumi’s heart-breaking sobs. Suddenly he didn’t know what to do, he had always been bad at comforting people. So he just whispered the nickname he had given his dearest friend a long time ago, unsure of what to do.

“I’m disgusting, right?” he cried. “I’m a disgrace to my family and a failure as a human being. I hate it! I hate myself!” Iwaizumi exclaimed, tears running down his cheeks while he was gripping his own hair with both hands in fury. That word, that one word made him want to scream. That one word made him want to punch the nearest wall, tear apart the nearest paper, break down the nearest building. That one word… that one word made him sick.

Oikawa flared with anger. He wanted to punch his friend for saying such thing, for saying he hated himself. Oikawa couldn’t bear the thought of his friend hating on his own self. He wanted to lecture Iwaizumi, he wanted to tell him off, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do that. Instead, with an aching heart, he scooted closer to his best friend and without a word, he embraced him. No words could describe how sorry he felt for his friend, how worried he was about him, how it hurt him to see the closest friend of his be in such a miserable state.

Iwaizumi kept on crying in the brunette’s arms. He cried, and cried, and cried. He cried until he finally calmed down enough to speak. His stomach was trembling and so did every part of his body. He felt so exhausted and tired. He just wanted to lay down and never get up. He was worn out, he was drained.

All he could hear was his friend’s ragged breathing. After a few seconds Oikawa reluctantly let go of Iwaizumi, afraid the other would do something to himself while he was searching for a pack of tissue. Fortunately he was still sitting where Oikawa had left him, and handed him a tissue. Iwaizumi, however, didn’t accept it. He didn’t seem to be aware of his surroundings, he was just staring at the wall before him. So Oikawa kneeled down and wiped Iwaizumi’s tears away with his hands.

Oikawa’s gentle touch brought him back to reality. His vision got blurred once again when he looked into his friend’s warm brown eyes. He couldn’t understand why he didn’t say anything. He expected Oikawa to resent him, to feel disgusted. But he just kneeled before him with a comforting, warm smile and kind eyes. He just didn’t deserve this.

“Why? Why aren’t you saying anything? Why aren’t you making fun of me? Why aren’t you angry? Why? I deserve it,” Iwaizumi whispered in a weak, husky voice which made Oikawa’s heart squeeze in pain.

“I am angry. I am angry because of your silly thoughts, Iwa. Don’t you dare ever look down on yourself, got it?” Oikawa whispered, taking the other’s face into his hands, making Iwaizumi look him properly in the eyes. “Because you are amazing, Iwaizumi Hajime! You are so brave, so strong and so admirable! What you did today, what you told me today… it’s okay. You being gay doesn’t change anything, you are still you and that’s what matters the most. Whom you love doesn’t define you, your actions do. And the things you have done so far prove that you are a worthy son and an amazing, pure human being! Hell, you even have been bearing with me all these years, you are always by my side… you are a great friend. You are my best friend and I love you. Gay or not, I love Iwaizumi Hajime. Don’t ever forget that and let me help you.”

By the time Oikawa had finished his speech, Iwaizumi started crying again. However, this time from relief and gratitude. From love. The fact that his best friend accepted him instead of resenting him… It was unbelievable but uplifting. Iwaizumi actually felt lighter from Oikawa’s words. He still disliked the way he was, but with Oikawa by his side he really did believe that one day he would be okay. He believed he would be able to accept himself – not that day, not the next day, not a week later, but one day surely. He was not alone.

“You’re not alone, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa voiced out, hugging his miserable friend close to him once more.

“Thank you,” was all Iwaizumi could reply while he buried his face into Oikawa’s neck. His fresh, familiar scent calmed him down, making him finally feel at ease. “I could really use a little sleep, though,” he mumbled, making Oikawa chuckle. Even Iwaizumi himself let a faint smile appear on his lips. With Oikawa, everything felt much simpler, much better. He didn’t regret coming out to him, not one bit.

Oikawa made sure Iwaizumi rested. Before putting his best friend to bed, he made tea to drink and to calm the other down. They sat next to each other, sipping their cups of tea while chatting about meaningless things, like how Oikawa should take a better care of his apartment or how Iwaizumi could use a haircut. Oikawa did everything he could to make his friend feel better, he even told him his theory about alien life on the Moon.

After hours of talking, Iwaizumi fell asleep on the couch when Oikawa went to take the cups out. He smiled when he noticed Iwaizumi’s peaceful sleeping face. He could only imagine how much sleep he lost by tormenting himself. With a slight smile on his lips, Oikawa sat down on the carpet, crossing his legs, facing his friend. He then reached out and started gently stroking Iwaizumi’s hair.

“I’m here, I’ll always be here,” he whispered, taking the sleeping man’s hand in his. “No matter what, Hajime, no matter what.”


End file.
